our Topics Multiple Stories: Permission Slip to Be a Gloriously Messy Human

look. i went into this week determined. vision board updated (mostly pics of clean floors and matcha lattes). productivity playlist locked and loaded (lo-fi beats to pretend you have your life together to). outfit planned for maximum ~main character energy~ (wide leg jeans, cute cropped tee, actual jewelry instead of my usual sleep-deprived hoop earrings). i was gonna crush it. be the girl who meal preps. who responds to texts promptly. who doesn’t forget her reusable coffee cup for the third day running.

spoiler alert: it’s thursday and i am currently writing this surrounded by half-empty iced coffee cups, a mountain of unfolded laundry impersonating a modern art sculpture, and the distinct feeling that the universe is fundamentally chaotic and i am merely a confused squirrel trying to cross a six-lane highway. 🐿️💨

how did we get here? buckle up, buttercup. let’s rotate through the ✨vignettes of my barely-functional existence✨ this week. because honestly? it’s less of a linear story and more like flipping wildly between badly tuned TV channels.

Channel 1: The Dating App Debacle (A Saga in Three Acts)

• Monday Night: Scrolling. Swiping. You know the drill. Trying to manifest someone who isn’t emotionally unavailable, obsessed with crypto, or whose main personality trait is "likes tacos" (newsflash: WE ALL DO). Match with "Ben." Seems… fine? Profile pics: one hiking (okay!), one with a dog (bonus points!), one slightly blurry group shot where he might be the tallest one (intriguing). Bio: "Just seeing what’s out there. Love a good adventure and deep convos." Groundbreaking, but fine. We chat. It’s… pleasant? He asks about my day. I mention the struggle of finding decent hummus in this neighbourhood (a very real struggle, btw). He sympathizes! We bond over chickpea-based existential dread! He asks me out for drinks Wednesday. Vibe Check: Cautiously Optimistic.
• Tuesday: Minor panic. What does one wear to a casual but could turn into more? drinks date? Text best friend Sophie. Her response: "Jeans. Cute top. Don't overthink it. Also, CHECK HIS INSTA." Right. Insta. Deep dive commences. Mostly hiking pics (good!). Dog pics (still good!). A slightly concerning number of sunset photos with vague, melancholic quotes… but hey, maybe he’s deep? Then… The Beige Flag. A photo from 6 months ago. Him. Standing proudly in his living room. Next to… a giant, floor-to-ceiling, meticulously organized… collection of Funko Pops. Hundreds. Maybe thousands. Glass cases. Themed lighting. Vibe Check: Plummeting. Fast. Do I cancel? Sophie says: "GO. FOR THE STORY." Valid.
• Wednesday (The Date): He looks… fine. Normal. Pleasant. We get drinks. Conversation flows… okay. He asks about my hobbies. I mention writing. He says, "Cool. Like, blogs?" (Bless.) Then… it happens. I gently steer towards hobbies. "So, I saw your Insta… you really like hiking?" He lights up. "Yeah! And collecting." Me, feigning innocent curiosity: "Oh? Collecting what?" Cue the GLOW UP. His eyes sparkle. He whips out his phone. "MY FUNKOS!" For the next twenty-seven minutes (I timed it. Mentally.) I am treated to a detailed, passionate, surprisingly technical breakdown of his collection. Rarity. Box conditions. Limited editions. The hunt for the metallic Chase variant of some anime character I’ve never heard of. The "investment potential." The custom shelving he built. I nod. Smile weakly. Sip my now-warm Sauvignon Blanc. My eyes glaze over. All I can think about is the sheer volume of plastic. The dusting nightmare. The existential weight of it all. Vibe Check: Officially Deceased. Date ends with an awkward hug. He texts later: "Had a great time! We should do it again sometime!" My Soul: ...silent screaming. #datingappdrama #funkohell #beigeflags #sendhelp #isthisinvestmentpotential
  

Channel 2: The Retail Therapy Spiral (A Cautionary Tale)

• Thursday Morning: Still reeling from the Funkopocalypse. Feeling vaguely unsettled and… frumpy. Obviously, the solution is ONLINE SHOPPING. Don't @ me. I know it's a problem. But the dopamine! The thrill of the virtual hunt! I need something… life-affirming. Something that says, "Yes, your dating life is a dumpster fire, but LOOK AT THESE SHOES." Open ASOS. Mistake. Open Anthro. Bigger mistake. Somehow end up deep in the sale section of Aritzia. The Siren Song of Discounted Knits. It whispers sweet nothings. "You need this oatmeal oversized cardigan, babes. It’s cozy. It’s chic. It’s 40% off. It will solve everything." Add to cart. Then… oh? Matching ribbed tank? On sale too? Add to cart. Oh look, those trousers I eyed months ago? HALF PRICE? Add to cart. Suddenly, cart total is… alarming. But the discount! The potential outfits! The sheer promise of looking like a cool, collected minimalist who definitely doesn’t cry over tiny plastic figurines! Brain: "Just checkout. Treat yo self. You deserve it after Funkogate." Bank Account: ...inaudible whimpering. Click. Purchase confirmed. Instant regret? Maybe 10%. Mostly drowned out by the anticipation of parcel arrival. Vibe Check: Temporarily Euphoric (Financially Doomed). #retailtherapy #aritziaaddict #salehunter #treatyoseptember #mywalletisweeping
  

Channel 3: The Family FaceTime Fiasco (Live From My Disaster Couch)

• Thursday Evening: Collapsed on couch. Wearing ancient sweatpants and the emotional weight of the week. Eating cereal for dinner (don't judge). Phone rings. It’s THE FAMILY GROUP FACETIME. The digital equivalent of walking into a room where everyone is already mid-argument. I answer because… guilt? Duty? Masochism?
• Scene: Mom’s face fills the screen. "SWEETIE! You look tired! Are you eating? Why are you eating cereal? Is that dinner?" Dad chimes in from somewhere off-screen: "SHE’S EATING CEREAL, BARBARA! LIKE A COLLEGE STUDENT! WHAT’S WRONG WITH A PROPER MEAL?" My brother’s pixelated face appears in a corner. "Leave her alone, she’s probably hungover." (I wish.) Mom: "Are you hungover? On a Thursday? Is this about that boy? The one with the… little dolls?" (THEY KNOW ABOUT THE FUNKOS?! HOW?!) Me: "NO! Not hungover! Not about Ben! Just… tired! And cereal is efficient!" Dad: "EFFICIENT? BARBARA, SHE CALLS CEREAL EFFICIENT! THIS IS YOUR FAULT, ALL THAT ORGANIC GRANOLA WHEN SHE WAS FIVE!" Mom: "MY FAULT? YOU’RE THE ONE WHO LET HER WATCH THAT VIOLENT CARTOON WITH THE ROBOT HAMSTERS!" Brother: "Can someone Venmo me $20 for pizza?" Chaos erupts. Screens freeze. Audio cuts out. Someone’s cat walks across a keyboard. I stare at my phone screen, now a mosaic of frozen, slightly angry/slightly concerned family faces and possibly a feline butt. My spoon hovers over the cereal bowl, now soggy and deeply unappetizing. Vibe Check: Overwhelmingly Claustrophobic. Deeply Loved. Slightly Traumatized. #familychaos #grouptextnightmares #momexasperation #dadrants #sendpizza #andtherapy
  

(Static Noise as We Flip Channels Wildly...)

See? THIS. This is my life right now. It’s not a curated feed. It’s not a cohesive narrative. It’s messy, chaotic, slightly embarrassing, often hilarious (in hindsight, definitely not during the Funko lecture), and deeply, profoundly human. It’s rotating through micro-disasters, tiny joys (hello, discounted knits!), and the constant background hum of familial obligation and existential dread about dusting.

The vision board mocks me from the corner. The meal prep containers sit unused in the fridge. My reusable cup is… somewhere under the laundry mountain, probably.

But you know what? I showed up. I survived the Funkopocalypse. I secured the cardigan (RIP savings). I navigated the family FaceTime minefield. I ate the cereal. I’m writing this messy, rambling, utterly unstructured blog post instead of doom-scrolling (mostly).

Maybe adulting isn’t about having it all together. Maybe it’s just about showing up for the multiple rotating disasters and finding the absurd humour in the chaos. Maybe it’s about embracing the ✨hot mess express✨ and knowing you’re not riding alone. We’re all just confused squirrels dodging traffic in slightly different lanes.

So here’s to the dropped balls, the awkward dates, the impulsive purchases, the family FaceTime fiascos, and the sheer, unadulterated chaos of trying to be a person. May your disasters be mildly entertaining and your coffee stay strong. ✨☕️

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with my laundry mountain and the distinct possibility of ordering takeout. Again. #embracethemess #rotatingdisasters #hotmesselegance #adultingishard #butwehere #reallifewins #soggycerealclub #sendmorecoffee #andwine #priorities

(Word Count: 1,235... and yes, I kept rambling because REAL LIFE ISN'T NEAT, OKAY?!)

P.S. The Aritzia order shipped. The cardigan will solve everything. I refuse to believe otherwise. #manifestingcozy #knitvibes #retailtherapyworks #dontcheckmybankstatement

Ugh, totally relatable!  I feel you.  Vision boards and productivity playlists are great, but sometimes life just...happens.  Half-empty iced coffee cups and a mountain of *stuff*...sounds like my week too.  Just gotta embrace the messy!  Maybe tomorrow will be different. 😉